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3 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Look For Love

When we find ourselves in repeated scenarios in relationships, the universe is stirring the psyche by sending us lesson after lesson to initiate an awareness of the pattern that resides within us.

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We all come across multiple scenarios of repeated similar outcomes in our lives even outside of love. The job promotion you deserve always seems to go the next person. In social gatherings, people talk over you, ignore you or use you as a verbal punching bag. Abusive people gravitate to you as if you were wearing a welcome sign “Please come here repressed people!”

When we find ourselves in repeated scenarios in relationships, the universe is stirring the psyche by sending us lesson after lesson to initiate an awareness of the pattern that resides within us.
The powers that be are asking us to PAY ATTENTION by dealing some major emotional blows.
The quick fix solution is to convince yourself that the blame lies with the other person. This can work the first few times, but after a while even the slightest touch will easily open these wounds. The trend is the scenario + outcome but the players are different. It becomes a cyclic pattern. A cycle.
These cycles require more than reading a book or an article to end. To understand your patterns, you must do the work from deep within. You must dig deep down to your core.
These suggestions below are for the person who is fed up but also aware that you can only change yourself. There is something holding you back from achieving the love you want in your life and this awareness is the first step to a new life path to your happily ever after!
Please keep in mind these suggestions should be applied to your own reality.
1. DO YOU HAVE UNRESOLVED OR UNACKNOWLEDGED CHILDHOOD CONDITIONING THAT PREVIOUSLY HINDERED YOUR RELATIONSHIPS?
Often deeply felt pains stem from an early life conditioning that can come from the most innocent of choices. These are the hardest to target since the reasons are less apparent than the obvious negative experiences like neglect or abuse, but still they are important for you to understand in order to lift these relational blocks.
One of the more common choices made in earlier parenting generations that can have an effect on future love relationships is the popular phrase, “If you have nothing nice to say, then do not say anything at all.” If used as intended, the phrase was useful in response to bullying or the like. In many cases, it taught us to hide all feelings deemed negative. Without a healthy release of anger, frustration or sadness, a child soon grows into an adult who retains this belief that anything negative is bad. This adult believes these feelings should be shunned and not felt.
I have been in relationships where I was afraid to communicate my needs out of fear of appearing negative, needy or too emotional. I didn’t have much practice expressing my deeper feelings in my early life, but pretending your feelings do not exist only leads to disaster. Eventually walls and resentment will be built between you and your loved one leading you to only allow your ego or mask to be in the relationship by hiding your true feelings as well as your true self. To form a strong connection, you need to embody your true self or your lover will only know the role you play.
It is healthy to share your feelings. It is healthy to state your needs. It’s healthy to be vulnerable.
Make sure to set reasonable goals. If you have never been able to speak of your negatively viewed feelings freely, do not expect this to be something you can do with ease overnight. It might take months to years to get to a point of speaking without fears.
Enlist the help of your love, or potential love, by letting them in on your personal behavioral modification goals. Their awareness, patience and understanding can really help you supercharge the full understanding of these hurdles. Plus, it could be bonding to heal together!
If you lost a relationship, please understand that every situation and relationship failure happened for your personal benefit, so you can strive to correct them and do better next time.
2. ARE YOU LACKING A SUPPORTIVE TALK THERAPY OUTLET OR NOT UTILIZING A PERSONAL JOURNAL TO ORGANIZE YOUR THOUGHTS?
In the TV series Nashville, when Scarlett O’Conner consulted the doctor of Deacon Claybourne about Deacon’s lack of interest and motivation to heal his liver cancer with all mean necessary, the doctor responded with a term that rings true. He mentioned that Scarlett was being a “positive bully”. A positive bully is a person who is so positive with their energy and words they can shift the natural balance of thoughts in the person who is in the midst of a personal struggle to focus solely on their negative thoughts.
As in all things, there is a balance. Every person must feel hope in their success and a realism of their situation. Speak freely without fear. I am in no way saying it is a bad to offer a person your best intentions by expressing positivity when your dear loved one is down. By all means, this is not a bad reaction! It is a beautiful gift to your friend. If you notice you are constantly talking to your friend about a repetitive scenario, then maybe consider what is being said here.
The most common response, especially amongst women, when listening to the woes of a friend we respond with the utmost of positive, uplifting words. “You will find mister right! He was a jerk! You are 100% in the right and he is 100% in the wrong!” The problem with this scenario is these unrealistic responses often leave us in a standstill. The best way to describe this feeling is there is something wanting to come out, but you can’t quite figure out what it is. Feeling like it’s all your EX’s fault sure does feel good though!
The purpose of consulting trusted friends or family is to vent your feelings and to seek their counsel since they can offer an objective viewpoint to your situation leading you to alternate perspectives to process mentally and emotionally.
For those of us that are introverted, journaling is a wonderful option! I find journaling more beneficial than just meditating since the process of writing or typing can help direct the thoughts and you can save it then review your personal progress or to discover trends you might forget or otherwise not see until it is compiled.
3. DO YOU FEEL DISCOURAGEMENT OR LACK OF TRUST IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
This suggestion is the most important so turn your brain on full learning capacity!
For every women, in the unconscious mind, lives an archetype of a male personality called the Animus. For every man, in the unconscious mind, lives an archetype of a female personality called the Anima.
The Anima and Animus, in the Carl Jung’s school of Analytical Psychology, are part of the collective unconscious and true self of every person. These archetypes are affected, for good or bad, by a compilation of important figures in our life consisting of mother, father, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers, teachers, coaches, etc. These perceptions formed by the important role models in your life, dictate our interactions and attitudes with the opposite sex. If the women in your early life were ball busters, you will subconsciously prepare for women to ball bust! If the men in your early life chose ball games and beer over, well anything really, then you will become accustom to thinking men don’t prioritize their lovers.
The natural thought process of gender generalizing will subconsciously initiate the law of attraction by sending your thoughts into the universe where it will manifests into your reality. It could also be called a self-fulfilling prophesy.
According to Jungian psychology’s individuation process, the transforming of one’s psyche by bringing the personal and collective unconscious into the conscious, if confronting one’s shadow self is an apprenticeship then confronting one’s anima/animus is a masterpiece.
We are evolving in a way where we can each embrace having a beautifully unique blend of feminine and masculine energies. The struggle is to find your soul mate, twin flame, soul equal or any other name you choose to call “The ONE” who compliments your personally unique energies.
Above all, keep in mind personal growth is freeing, but to get there we might have to get messy along the way.
The universe rewards those who do the soul work.
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About Monique Abrams (39 Articles)
Monique Abrams is a Spiritual Coach with an emphasis on Self-Work, Spiritual Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Family Karma Healing. Her blend of coaching involves Shamanic techniques, Jungian psychology, Energy/Vibration and Neuroscience. Monique is an eternal student of all branches of philosophy with a preference of study towards ethics, epistemology, logic and metaphysics.

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